LGBTQIA+

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What does LGBTQIA+ stand for?

How to be an ally to an LGBTQIA+ person?

General help and support

Transgender

What is hate crime?

Quick Links

I think my child may be transgender

What is conversion therapy?

Extra Resources

What does LGBTQIA+ stand for?

The definitions are always evolving, changing and often mean different things to different people. LGBTQIA+ stands for

Lesbian

Gay

Bisexual

Transgender

Queer/ Questioning

Intersex

Asexual/ Aromatic

+ meaning plus, represents all other genders and sexual orientations including but not limited to non binary, pansexual, gender fluid and two spirit individuals.

Transgender

Transgender or trans is a broad term and to describe people whose gender identity is different from the gender they were born. Gender identity is your internal knowledge of your gender. Gender expression is how a person presents their gender on the outside such as with their clothing, hair, behaviour, voice etc. if someone’s gender identity matches the gender they were born at birth then they are cisgender (‘cis’- non transgender). Gender dysphoria refers to psychological and physiological distress experienced by individuals whose gender identity differs from the sex they were thought to be at birth.

When someone begins to live according to their gender identity rather than the gender they were thought to be when born, this is called gender transition. Many transgender people risk social stigma, discrimination and harassment when they tell people and transition but by changing into their true gender, it can change and in some cases, save, their lives.

Possible steps in gender transition may include changing clothes, appearance, pronouns and name. Some people change identification documents too like driving license and passport to reflect their gender. Some people undergo hormone therapy and surgery to make their physical characteristics and body match their gender identity. All trans people are entitled to the same respect, regardless of whether they have undertaken any legal or medical steps. Some people who are transgender, may identify as neither a man or a woman (non binary) or a combination of both (gender fluid or gender queer).

If you feel ready to receive gender care, you can either self refer to the Gender Dysphoria Clinic (GDC, previously called the Gender Identity Clinic) or go through your GP, which may speed things up as they can share your medical history straight away. You can also choose which clinic to be referred to, so if you can easily travel it might be worth finding a clinic online with a lower wait time.

I think my child may be transgender

Gender dysphoria is the psychological and mental distress and discomfort experienced by individuals whose gender identity differs from the sex they were thought to be at birth. Gender identity is the internal knowledge of your gender. This can be experienced by very young children and may present itself in many different ways. Children struggling with gender dysphoria may be transgender and some may be non binary meaning they don’t identify as either male or female.

Often, the thing to look out for is persistent, insistent and consistent gender identification that is different to the one at birth. Not all children who show an interest in clothes and toys that society categorises as for the opposite gender will have gender dysphoria. All children are different, some won’t disclose until they are an adult, some will tell you very young and some will disclose feelings as a teenager when puberty starts, which can be a very difficult time for them. If your child is strongly identifying with a different gender and this is causing significant distress to them, it is probably time to see the GP. Signs of distress may also include anxiety, withdrawal, destructive behaviour or depression. Help can be sought before puberty even starts.

Some children with feelings of gender dysphoria may develop severe mental health struggles so it is very important for them to feel loved unconditionally and supported. A lot of changes may take place in the short term (with your support) but in the long term children generally will become happier and more active as they feel more comfortable with the correct gender identity for them. It is not an easy route and needs lots of time, patience, uphill struggles and understanding but there is help available to you. You can contact the organisation Mermaids for lots more advice, plus support and even an in house legal team offering support.

There is waiting list for under 18s wishing to access NHS gender services. In England and Wales alone, there are currently around 6,000 people on the list.

You may worry that your child will change their mind in the future. The NHS estimate that only 1-2% of transgender people who follow a medical pathway change their minds and stop living as trans. The reasons why this happens are unclear, for some they regretted their decision and others found the world too hostile as a trans person

After referral, your child will be seen by lots of people including clinical psychologists, child psychotherapists, psychiatrists, family therapist and social workers over 3-6 appointments over several months. They can help by offering psychotherapy, parental support and counselling, group work for young people and their parents, reviews to monitor gender identity development and referrals to specialist children mental health services (CYPMHS) if needed. In some, but not all, cases gender variant behaviour may change or disappear as children reach puberty so support is usually what is offered until that time.

Some young people with lasting signs of gender dysphoria who meet strict criteria may be referred to a hormone specialist, in addition to psychological support. Further medical steps can be taken via NHS specialists in a staged approach. This is done with full knowledge, consent and guidance at every step of the way. Physical affirmation surgeries are not typically done for anyone under the age of 18. More information can be found on the NHS website https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/gender-dysphoria/treatment/ and https://www.nhs.uk/live-well/think-your-child-might-be-trans-or-non-binary/

If you need help and support as a parent or maybe just need someone to talk and ask questions to who understands, Mermaids is a fantastic UK organisation to help. https://mermaidsuk.org.uk

If you are worried about your child’s mental health, YoungMinds has resources on their website, a helpline on 0808 802 5544 (available Monday to Friday 9.30am-4pm) and a crisis text service supported by Shout for young people, just text YM to 85258 (texts are answered by trained volunteers, with support from clinical supervisors). Consider sharing this text service with your child and also Samaritans who can be contacted via 116 123. In an emergency always call 999.

How to be an ally to an LGBTQIA+ person?

No one is perfect, you may say the wrong things somethings or not know what to say but the most important thing is you are respectful, provide support, learn from your mistakes along the way and keep trying. It is important to treat people who are LGBTQIA+ as you would treat any other person, using respectful terminology and the name the person has asked you to call them, along with their pronouns. If you aren’t sure what pronouns a person uses, you can just respectfully ask.

You don’t have to understand their gender or sexual identity to respect it. Use the language that they want you to use, whether it be for pronouns, gender, descriptions or sexual identity. If someone corrects you on their sexuality, name or pronouns, apologise and move on.

Continue to educate yourself and seek out resources to find out any questions you might have or support you can offer them.

Be considerate about what questions you ask. Just because you are curious about things, does not mean it’s appropriate to ask. To determine if a question is appropriate, you could ask yourself… do I need to know this information and how would I feel if I was asked this. This includes questions like what was their birth name (sometimes called dead name), what surgeries they’ve had or anything to do with sexual relationships.

They, and they alone, have the choice to tell you or anyone else anything about their gender or sexual identity. They may choose to tell everyone, no one or select people. It is not up to you to push them to reveal to you or reveal to anyone else without their permission. Sometimes, telling others this private information can get them fired and even evicted and some people may subject them to harassment, name calling and even violence.

Avoid compliments and advice based on appearance, gender or behaviour.

Being an outspoken ally can be great, in certain circumstances like speaking out against workplace discrimination, politely correcting others if they use the wrong name or pronouns for someone and speaking up against discriminatory remarks, jokes and conversations. By being brave and speaking out, you are showing all people that are LGBTQIA+ they are accepted, supported and people are on their side. You may even encourage others to speak out too and change opinions.

Support them if they have suffered from discrimination or if they are the victim of any crimes. Offer to go with them to make complaints or to appointments and meetings where they may need extra support.

Think about how you use gendered language such as saying ladies and gentlemen.

Think about policies and politics that might be affecting people. Think about whether there any rules at your workplace you might be able to help change that are anti LGBTQIA+ or a local MP you could write to who is voting against important legislation helping people that are marginalised. Even consider voting in a way that supports people that are LGBTQIA+,

You can also be an ally by attending events like pride parades and if it is safe to do so and relevant, blocking anti LGBTQIA+ protestors.

What is hate crime?

Anti LGBTQIA+ hate crime is violence or abuse that is committed against someone because of their sexual orientation or gender identity. This may be physical attacks, sexually threatening, violent behaviour, blackmail (including about ‘outing’ them), stealing or damaging belongings, sending abusive and offensive messages, acting in a threatening way, encouraging others to target people and verbal abuse including slurs.

Only you can decide whether to report a hate crime. If you decide to, the police should treat you fairly and with respect, your opinion of how you wish to proceed should be taken into consideration, you identify and information should be treated confidentially, they should call you by the name and pronoun you ask them for use, other forms of support should be offered and you will be kept informed about the progress of your case.

Galop can help you, whether or not you report a crime. You can also call the police on 101 for non emergency reporting or in the case of an emergency call 999. If it’s part of ongoing harassment, it is useful to write a log of everything that happens with date and times.

What is conversion therapy?

Conversion therapy is when others try to change or ‘cure’ somebody’s LGBTQIA+ identity. This is a form of abuse. There is nothing wrong with being LGBTQIA+ and you do not need to change who you are. This can affect all, not just those with religion and culturally beliefs and it can come from anyone including therapists, community leaders, family or religious leaders.

Conversion therapy can include threats and verbal, psychological, physical or sexual abuse. Just because they are caring in other aspects of life, does not make this ok.

If you have experienced, are currently experiencing this kind of abuse or are worried this may happen to you if you come out, there are places to go for help. You can call the National Helpline for LGBT+ Victims and Survivors of Abuse and Violence on 0800 999 5428 (available Monday and Tuesday 9:15am-8pm and Wednesday to Friday 9:15am-4:30pm) or email help@galop.org.uk. They can offer support and are inclusive of all. In an emergency call 999. In a non emergency and to report a crime call 101.

General help and support:

For support and referral services, help for families and friends, and advice surrounding; coming out, relationships, family problems, issues at work or college, safer sex, sexual health, having sex for the first time and to find social and support groups, there is also Switchboard LGBT+ Helpline who can be contacted by phone on 0800 0119 100 (from 10am-10pm every day) or by email hello@switchboard.lgbt.

If you need help with safety planning, housing, legal advice, counselling and support groups, you can call the National Helpline for LGBT+ Victims and Survivors of Abuse and Violence on 0800 999 5428 which is available Monday and Tuesday 9:15am-8pm and Wednesday to Friday 9:15am-4:30pm or email help@galop.org.uk.

Consider downloading the Hollie Guard app. Hollie Guard is a smartphone app which has some useful safety features. There are three main features:

Journey feature - allows users to set a start and end point, the app automatically monitors your journey and alerts your nominated contacts once you safely arrive or trigger an alert.
Alert feature - by holding down the hexagon button for 3-6 seconds, you can set off an alert and activate your camera, send a message and recording to your set emergency contacts
Meeting Feature - A timer you set will countdown until deactivated. You have to mark yourself as safe, otherwise it will raise an alert to your emergency contact. This is perfect for getting home safely after a night out.

Location services can be turned off any time you like. Any evidence captured will be saved in the cloud for later use.